


we're falling out of touch

by GhostsandGhouls



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Heavy Angst, Injury, M/M, Major Character Injury, Permanent Injury, non relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:13:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23505163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostsandGhouls/pseuds/GhostsandGhouls
Summary: Sakusa loves Miya's hands. They look coarse from playing volleyball for long hours, they curve perfectly and set a ball as if he's reading the player's thoughts. As if he could. If it was true, then he'd know how Sakusa can't drag his eyes away from long fingers, rough calluses...How Sakusa wants to run the pads of his fingers over the shape, memorise it as if he'd never have the chance to do it again.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 14
Kudos: 113





	we're falling out of touch

**Author's Note:**

> For SakuAtsu week - (Apr 6) Hands/Touch

**~ One ~**  
Sakusa loves Miya's hands. They look coarse from playing volleyball for long hours, they curve perfectly and set a ball as if he's reading the player's thoughts. As if he could. If it was true, then he'd know how Sakusa can't drag his eyes away from long fingers, rough calluses...How Sakusa wants to run the pads of his fingers over the shape, memorise it as if he'd never have the chance to do it again.

It would be easy, Miya is always waiting for a high-five, despite how many times Sakusa simply glares at his hand and shrugs it off. He watches in envy when both Bokuto and Hinata share a high-five with Miya, when they go out and celebrate together while Sakusa merely returns home for the night. The familiar curves of Miya's hands are similar to the streets of Tokyo that Sakusa knows well, something he follows every day. Sakusa always checks his own hands after practice, and he finds himself folding his fingers together, closing his eyes and pretending that it's Miya...It's Atsumu, touching his skin, threading their fingers together.

The thought of it makes him shiver, but it isn't bad, like Sakusa is wary of the germs, it's excitement and want. He wants to know what those hands would feel like against his skin, every curve, every rough callous. He doesn't care, but still, he always stops himself from indulging, because he's scared that once he feels the touch once, it won't be close to enough. He'll only want more.

His eyes snap open and he glares down at his hands, like they're at fault for wanting Miya's touch. Sakusa knows that it's more, that the feeling lies deep within himself, curling and itching to rise to the surface. Sakusa holds it down, trying to smother it by reminding himself of what touching would bring, germs and dirt...Molecules he can't see but will try to scrub away. How warm Miya's hands look, how they would stretch over his skin. The thought was too much, yet not nearly enough. Sakusa wanted it to be real.

 **~ Two ~**  
As time goes by, Sakusa only finds himself wanting to touch Miya more often. Miya hurts himself in practice one day, a small sprain to his ankle and Sakusa watches as Bokuto and Adriah help Miya up. Their arms are holding firmly across Miya's back, supporting his arms over their shoulders as they carry him off to the nurse for treatment. Sakusa wishes it was him in their place, confident enough to go over and help Miya, to carry him off like a shining knight in armour. To support him with a firm touch. A touch that would surely be engraved in Sakusa's brain.

Instead, Sakusa lets the feelings stew and it turns into gloating. He keeps a mental check on how they're both doing in a match and whenever he's scored more points, he makes sure Miya knows it. Everything about him says: I'm better. It's a reminder to Sakusa that Miya deserves better. Miya deserves someone who can be honest about their feelings. Sakusa isn't like that, he can't find the strength to be. Sakusa finds solace in talking with Hinata, the last thing he'd expected and Hinata explains things with a wave of arms and: "Oh! He makes you feel like gwaah." Sakusa doesn't know what it means, but it fits, until the negative emotions slide in.

Really...Miya wouldn't want him anyway. Sakusa is lanky, weird, awkward, quiet...Miya deserves someone who won't be afraid to speak their mind, they'd run up to him and say: 'You make me feel gwaah.' He deserves someone who will reach out, trail soft lines with steady fingers over his skin. The touch that Sakusa desperately wants to give, but can't. He'd need to disinfect twice before indulging, he'd be scared of what the touch means—it might seem simple, but for Sakusa it would hold much more, things he's sure someone like Miya would pick up on.

 **~ Three ~**  
Bokuto finally manages to drag Sakusa out for one of the team's celebrations. They go for Korean barbeque and Sakusa is stuck sitting next to Atsumu. He makes sure they don't touch, even though he wants to, maybe just an accidental brush. He doesn't, and watches every time Miya reaches for the food, sometimes brushing against one of the other guys.

Sakusa clenches his fists in his lap, he feels uneasy, like he might be sick, any time that someone else touches Miya...As if he's done anything at all to make his feelings obvious—if anything, it's more obvious how much Sakusa dislikes Miya. He reaches over without looking or thinking and Miya's hand brushes along his own. He pulls back quickly, as if he's been burned, and the movement is to protect himself...It's too stop himself from grabbing Miya's hand and threading their fingers together.

"Sorry, Omi." Miya says, glancing back over his shoulder.

"Watch yourself," Sakusa spits, he grabs the bottle of sanitizer from his jacket pocket and cleans his hands, frowning down at them. "Don't ever touch me."

"Jeez, keep yer pants on!" Miya turns back around and takes a big gulp of his drink. "Like I'd wanna." He mutters.

Sakusa's heart drops, he stands up, and stomps away, not looking back even as Bokuto shouts his name. "Sakusa?! Tsum-Tsum! What did you do?"

"Nothing! Why's it always my fault?" Sakusa lets the door of the restaurant slam behind him and he starts heading home, stopping at his doorstep to drop his head into his hands. He wraps his fingers together, and sighs, the memory of Miya's touch tingles across his skin, like an electric shock burning the flesh...Leaving only Miya in the wake. He walks inside and thoroughly scrubs his hands, hoping that maybe the feeling will dwindle.

 **~ Four ~**  
Sakusa is beyond annoyed, and he knows he doesn't have real reason to be. He knew that pushing and pushing with Miya would make the fragile bond between them snap sooner or later. It just happened to be sooner and it was his own fault. So he's left, watching and wishing that he could find some bravery. He watches Miya as he fixes the bandage on his foot.

The fabric drops from his fingers and he swears softly, trying again. Sakusa clenches his jaw, he crosses the room, cleaning his hands before grabbing the bandage and helping to tie it firmly around his ankle. "What're ya doing?"

"Helping." Sakusa scoffs, he finishes up then cleans his hands again and steps back. He could have touched Miya, could have let his fingers linger over Miya's ankle, but he didn't. }"Next time I'll just watch you struggle."

"It'll be off soon," Miya huffs, he pulls on his shoe then stands up. "I didn' ask for yer help. Thought ya didn't wanna touch anyone?"

"I don't. I was just helping, at least say thank you, you're so ungrateful." Sakusa stomps back to his things and grabs his bag.

"Don't bother helping me, I can do it." Miya storms past Sakusa, slamming the door behind him. Sakusa sighs and presses his head into his hands, it was easy enough being standoffish towards Miya...But he couldn't be honest.

 **~ Five ~**  
Sakusa doesn't help, as promised, instead he's forced to sit by when Miya asks Bokuto for help. It makes him angry and upset—he doesn't deserve to be. It's jealousy, and he hates it. It feels like a sickness he can't recover from. It pains him too. He's desperate to be in Bokuto's position, to let his fingers touch Miya's flesh. He leaves the locker room early every time, just to avoid watching.

He's left on clean-up duty with Miya once practice is over. His eyes wander from his task to Miya, to his hands wrapped firmly around the stick of the broom. His beautiful, wonderful, working hands. Hands are worn from volleyball and covered in a thousand little germs, curved with rough calluses. Sakusa still wants to walk over and touch them, let his fingers curl over Miya's and lead him around the gym to clean-up the floor.

Miya's eyes flicker up, catching Sakusa's gaze. "What?"

"Nothing." Sakusa huffs, turning back to push the trolly of volleyball, once they're away and he returns to grab what's left that needs packing. "Why are you still looking at me?"

"Yer not normal, Omi."

Sakusa scoffs, he shoves the second trolly aside then heads for the door, stopping with his fingers curled around the handle. "Thanks for telling me something blatantly obvious. You're a horrible person." He leaves without waiting for Miya's response.

 **~ +1 ~**  
Sakusa doesn't expect the shoe to end up on the other foot. The worst part about hurting himself isn't that he cries out in pain, it isn't that he's going to miss out on playing for a while...It's the look from Miya, they're alone, back late trying to perfect a new quick attack and Miya looks like he's in pain too. Sakusa doesn't understand, but he can't move, he can't scurry away, he's stuck sitting on the floor, his knee in agony.

Miya makes his way over, reaches out, then stops. "I can go get the nurse. She'll have gloves."

"No," Sakusa hisses, a little too quickly. "Please, help me up."

"Ya asked me not to touch ya, I'll go get the nurse."

"Atsumu," Sakusa is almost begging, his eyes flicking to meet Miya's, his hand outstretched. "Please. Take me there, I'll be fine."

Miya blinks, three times, Sakusa counts. Then he moves forward and slides Sakusa's arm over his shoulder. "Ready?" Sakusa nods then Miya pulls him up, he groans out in pain, resting against Miya. "Never thought ya were touchy."

"I'm not, this is important. I need to see the nurse." Miya nods, he supports Sakusa out and down to the nurses' office, where she gives a hand to get Sakusa onto a bed; Miya explains everything and as she starts checking Sakusa, Miya chuckles, "Isn't this ironic? Opposite side to me."

"No. It's not anything. I hate it."

The nurse checks Sakusa's knee, even with her careful touches, it hurts and he automatically reaches out, squeezing Miya's hand under his grip. "I'm sorry," She says and Sakusa looks up through blurry eyes. "It's broken. You must have twisted it when you landed. You need a hospital. Stay with him." She gets up, gently patting Miya's arm as she passes him.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Omi."

"It's not your fault." Sakusa pulls his hand back, and is surprised a second later when Miya hands him a bottle of sanitizer. "Why are you being nice now?"

"Just want to help. Ya helped me before, remember?"

"Yeah," Sakusa puts the bottle down when he's finished and Miya returns it, quickly cleaning his own hands. "But I'm not normal."

"Shit, I didn't mean that. I was just angry at ya."

"People tend to speak the truth when they're angry. Normal people do..." Sakusa sighs, he lays back, dropping his head against the pillow. "I'm not normal. I can't be honest with you. You should go, tell coach that once I know what's happening, I'll let him know."

"What do ya mean?" Sakusa shakes his head and turns away from Miya. "Whatever. I'm not gonna jump through hoops tryin' to figure ya out." Moments later, the door slams shut and Sakusa bites his lip, quiet even when the nurse returns with some painkillers and news about an ambulance—all he can do is nod.

*** * ***

Sakusa doesn't return to volleyball, he can't. The injury is too severe and playing would mean he might lose use of his leg completely. So he quite, like the doctors recommend. He doesn't get chance to touch Miya again...All that's left is a withering memory of the hand around his back.


End file.
